|—||Toni Morrison on pop culture, in a fantastic interview on love, loss and modernity. (via explore-blog)|
He was so small,
so alone in a crowd of people.
Forgiveness is a tiny cobwebbed corner
of his massive heart
to which he has no map…
I don’t think he realises
that it is his own scarred self
against whom he bears the grudge.
Summer is coming.
Whilst technically still Winter, the air is now noticeably lacking the chill of the last few weeks. No more frost to melt from the windscreen. Blossom trees are stretching and unfurling their petals, and the scent of Spring hangs in the air like the childhood memory of a mother’s perfume.
Mornings are light; how lovely to wake to the sight of the trees outside our window instead of night’s shadowy remnants. The weatherman predicts sunshine and 24 degrees for Sunday. Suddenly everything feels more achievable. Suddenly everything is possible again.
The return of light and warmth and life always lifts me, but right now I am particularly hopeful. I am finally in a place where my head, heart and body are all working as one. I am no longer struggling against myself, nor my circumstances, nor a partner. Perhaps for the first time, I am being honest with myself (and others) about what I have, what I want, and what I need.
It is as though I have stepped fully into my own skin. The sense of relief is startling.
Wow. Where to start? I have been absent from this space for so long that I feel a little shy. Tongue tied.
Of late, life for me has been undergoing something of a shift, a metamorphosis, a cleansing. Ideas that have been swirling in this muddled little mind for ever such a long time have begun to clarify; values that I hold true have been shimmering to the surface and quietly integrating themselves into my everyday.
I have begun to see myself differently. Clearer. More kindly.
I have begun to know myself better. And I like it.
Several things have influenced this shift in seasons (for that’s how it feels- as though a new Spring has quietly arrived. Days full of promise and opportunity, and colour seeping into the world). Perhaps I should address them one at a time, in their own posts. Certainly they are worthy.
For now, I’ll make a list. The new, life-changing things that I hold dear.
1: Danielle LaPorte, and her amazing Desire Mapping Process. I have a link to it on the side of my blog here. Check it out (and in the interests of transparency, yes, I am an affiliate). This woman is my guru. She will help you uncover what it is you really want. And then she’ll help you get it. I consider myself to be a very positive person on the whole, but this program shifted my perspective on my entire life. Seriously.
2: The Whole 30. So I’m pretty fired up about health and nutrition. I want to live for as long as possible, in as healthy a state as possible, and I’m constantly on the hunt for things that will aid me in that pursuit. I stumbled across a book called ‘It Starts With Food.’ They have a program that functions as something of a nutritional reset for your body. You drastically alter your diet for a period of 30 days, eliminating all potential gut irritants and processed foods. Your body has a chance to heal itself, your natural hunger and digestive processes recalibrate. I am on my twelfth day and can’t for the life of me figure out why I haven’t been eating this way all along. I feel outstanding.
3: Bikram Yoga. I want a workout that will kick my butt. I want to sweat. I want to be sore all over. I want to know that my body is being forced into developing greater strength, greater endurance, greater flexibility. Running does a lot of this for me. Still, every time I see a yoga pose on Pinterest I am drawn to it. I want that life-changing, spiritual connection of which people speak. In my quest to live more mindfully, more in the present moment, yoga seems the ideal form of exercise. A beautiful link between mind, body and soul. So I started Bikram. And it’s kicking my butt. And I’m loving it.
4: New love. This is not to undermine love I have had before- I wouldn’t take anything back even if given the opportunity. But there is such a lot to be said for a love borne of mutual respect and inspiration; a love of kindness and daily thoughtfulness and most importantly, equality. To be honest, this blows everything else on the list out of the water. I’m talking real, honest, ground-shaking happiness.So yes, changes are afoot. The tides have shifted and I am being carried in a direction that I didn’t anticipate two years ago, one year ago, even one month ago.
And I couldn’t be happier about it.
just breath in lungs and blood in veins,
the pulse of a heart and the weight of her days.
In this solitude
(and to her surprise)
she feels the blossoming
of a new self,
stretching itself out of her ribcage,
reaching upward toward the clouds.
J.K. Rowling (via nathanielstuart)
For you, Oh Lovely One!
My class sits,
each poring over another crucial essay,
desperate to gather one extra mark,
one extra point;
desperate to prove
they are worthy,
as if their whole life
(all sixteen years of it)
is and will always be
by the score allocated to them
I hold myself to my chair,
bite my lip to hold the words in-
It doesn’t matter!
It doesn’t matter!
It doesn’t matter!
Can you hear the magpie warbling his greeting to the sun?
Do you see how the light slips through the reddening leaves
like a stained-glass window?
Can you feel the blue autumn sky stretching above you,
a promise of days untouched,
a promise of possibility?
The world will turn,
the sun will rise,
your life will unfold before you
in spite of yourself.
So write your essay,
make it as beautiful as is in your power to do,
clear your lungs of your lingering doubts,
and breathe in the day.
nestle themselves like seedlings
in the corners of my hasty mind;
tiny, growing slivers of love
seeking out the sunshine
of each new morning.
entwining my heart
creeping around my lungs,
down my arms
to the tips of my fingers,
so all I touch is dusted
with the pollen
of your wisdom,
and my breath
Come hell or high water,
come rain, hail or shine,
come mutinous pirates with cutlasses, daggers and swords,
come zombie apocalypse,
come deadly disease
that sweeps the world, leaving us wounded and weeping and sore,
come mutant uprising,
come alien attack,
come invading hordes of orcs, come impending death,
come vampires and ghouls,
come rabid wolf packs,
I will love you, and love you, and love you, ‘til the last of my breath.
don’t think I don’t see you there,
waiting for the final leaves to fall in Autumn’s farewell.
You creep your mist over our garden at night,
fogging our windows and stopping our breath in our throats.
I know you are arriving, Winter,
as the heavy clouds darken and the honey days shorten,
the light leaving us in favour of balmier destinations,
and night, your loyal accomplice, lingering ever longer.
I am trying to greet you like a friend,
to invite you in for steaming soup and crusty bread,
to curl up with you under a blanket to watch a movie,
but you make it so hard to be welcoming
when you curl your icy fingers around my ankles
and turn my lips blue
with your kiss.