Some days, the sky is infinite,
pouring and stretching further
than my imagination can see.
The clouds skit and slide overhead,
suggesting the promise
of opportunities still hidden
just beyond the horizon.
These days, the world is open,
and I find myself suspended
in endless, breathless possibility.
Some days, the walls seem to close in,
the ticking clock harasses my ears
with the reminder that we can never go back,
and moment by moment
chances are slipping by like shadows,
evaporating in the glare of each new morning.
Each door that closes
is simply closed,
never again to be opened.
These days I am stifled,
the air too close,
my limbs heavy with the knowledge
that not all dreams will be fulfilled.
these days I live through
are merely the lungs of my life
and I am inside them
as they expand around me
and contract upon me,
gently and relentlessly
reminding my heart to keep beating.
|—||Toni Morrison on pop culture, in a fantastic interview on love, loss and modernity. (via explore-blog)|
He was so small,
so alone in a crowd of people.
Forgiveness is a tiny cobwebbed corner
of his massive heart
to which he has no map…
I don’t think he realises
that it is his own scarred self
against whom he bears the grudge.
Summer is coming.
Whilst technically still Winter, the air is now noticeably lacking the chill of the last few weeks. No more frost to melt from the windscreen. Blossom trees are stretching and unfurling their petals, and the scent of Spring hangs in the air like the childhood memory of a mother’s perfume.
Mornings are light; how lovely to wake to the sight of the trees outside our window instead of night’s shadowy remnants. The weatherman predicts sunshine and 24 degrees for Sunday. Suddenly everything feels more achievable. Suddenly everything is possible again.
The return of light and warmth and life always lifts me, but right now I am particularly hopeful. I am finally in a place where my head, heart and body are all working as one. I am no longer struggling against myself, nor my circumstances, nor a partner. Perhaps for the first time, I am being honest with myself (and others) about what I have, what I want, and what I need.
It is as though I have stepped fully into my own skin. The sense of relief is startling.
Wow. Where to start? I have been absent from this space for so long that I feel a little shy. Tongue tied.
Of late, life for me has been undergoing something of a shift, a metamorphosis, a cleansing. Ideas that have been swirling in this muddled little mind for ever such a long time have begun to clarify; values that I hold true have been shimmering to the surface and quietly integrating themselves into my everyday.
I have begun to see myself differently. Clearer. More kindly.
I have begun to know myself better. And I like it.
Several things have influenced this shift in seasons (for that’s how it feels- as though a new Spring has quietly arrived. Days full of promise and opportunity, and colour seeping into the world). Perhaps I should address them one at a time, in their own posts. Certainly they are worthy.
For now, I’ll make a list. The new, life-changing things that I hold dear.
1: Danielle LaPorte, and her amazing Desire Mapping Process. I have a link to it on the side of my blog here. Check it out (and in the interests of transparency, yes, I am an affiliate). This woman is my guru. She will help you uncover what it is you really want. And then she’ll help you get it. I consider myself to be a very positive person on the whole, but this program shifted my perspective on my entire life. Seriously.
2: The Whole 30. So I’m pretty fired up about health and nutrition. I want to live for as long as possible, in as healthy a state as possible, and I’m constantly on the hunt for things that will aid me in that pursuit. I stumbled across a book called ‘It Starts With Food.’ They have a program that functions as something of a nutritional reset for your body. You drastically alter your diet for a period of 30 days, eliminating all potential gut irritants and processed foods. Your body has a chance to heal itself, your natural hunger and digestive processes recalibrate. I am on my twelfth day and can’t for the life of me figure out why I haven’t been eating this way all along. I feel outstanding.
3: Bikram Yoga. I want a workout that will kick my butt. I want to sweat. I want to be sore all over. I want to know that my body is being forced into developing greater strength, greater endurance, greater flexibility. Running does a lot of this for me. Still, every time I see a yoga pose on Pinterest I am drawn to it. I want that life-changing, spiritual connection of which people speak. In my quest to live more mindfully, more in the present moment, yoga seems the ideal form of exercise. A beautiful link between mind, body and soul. So I started Bikram. And it’s kicking my butt. And I’m loving it.
4: New love. This is not to undermine love I have had before- I wouldn’t take anything back even if given the opportunity. But there is such a lot to be said for a love borne of mutual respect and inspiration; a love of kindness and daily thoughtfulness and most importantly, equality. To be honest, this blows everything else on the list out of the water. I’m talking real, honest, ground-shaking happiness.So yes, changes are afoot. The tides have shifted and I am being carried in a direction that I didn’t anticipate two years ago, one year ago, even one month ago.
And I couldn’t be happier about it.
just breath in lungs and blood in veins,
the pulse of a heart and the weight of her days.
In this solitude
(and to her surprise)
she feels the blossoming
of a new self,
stretching itself out of her ribcage,
reaching upward toward the clouds.
J.K. Rowling (via nathanielstuart)
For you, Oh Lovely One!